Quotes from Lows in the Mid-Eighties
Pam: Do you think that men can't be trusted?
Karen: Honey, I've always said if your genitals are on the outside you're hiding something on the inside.
Jack: Shouldn't we help her find her way back to a place called home?
Karen: Honey, she's wearing synthetic plaid. It's a four-day drive and a boat trip to a place called home.
Jack: I think you need to hear a little story about when these two were dating, or as I like to call it, "When Mary met Sally."
Rob: You have nailed her, haven't you?
Will: Oh, please! I've not only nailed her, I've sanded, buffed, stained, and spackled her.
Will: I'm not gay.
Jack: No? This well-worn copy of the "Dreamgirls" soundstrack begs to differ.
Will: How would you like it if I kicked your ass?
Jack: That depends on the spirit in which it is delivered.
Will to Jack: Janet and Chrissy are waiting for you at the Regal Beagle.
Bobbi: Grace, I always forget how beautiful you are.
Grace: Mom giveth.
Bobbi: Why do you have to cock it up with that hair?
Grace: And mom taketh away.
Grace: Mom, you can't do that, this is so unfair.
Bobbi: Well, so's my cottage-cheese ass.
Grace: Why is that always your answer for everything?
Will: All that turkey, it made me sleepy.
Grace: Really? Because it made me horny.
Jack: Mom, there's chicken on the rug!
Jack: You're gay, Will! Okay? You're gayer than the day is long. You're Marvin Gaye! And let me tell you something, ain't no closet big enough.
Grace: How long have you known this?
Will: I... I think on some level I've always known. Y'know, I mean, the guy toweling himself off in the Zest commercial always did a little too much for me.
Grace: Oh, great, great. The Zest guy knew before me.
Grace: You bastard, I'm in love with you and you're treating me like some sort of test drive. You take me out for a spin and you go, "Hmm, I don't really like the feel of this one, I think I'd rather have a stick!"
Will: Don't you see what a compliment that is? I mean, I mean, I love you, so if I can't make it work with you then it will never work with any woman because you're perfect for me.
Grace: That is not a compliment. A compliment is, "You're sexy, you turn me on," not, "One look at you proves I'm a queer!"
Grace: People already think I'm weird 'cause of my hairdo. You add a gay friend to that, I might as well be a drama major.
Will: Look, Jack, I owe you everything. You know? I mean, this past year, coming out, you've been like my sherpa through the Himalayas of Him-a-laying.
Will to Jack: When I get home I'm gonna rip your heart out through your foot.
Karen: Your boyfriend's a big flaming feather-wearing man-kissing disco-dancing Vermont-living Christina Aguilera-loving Mikanos-going, honey, take it on home.
Jack: Tom's queer, dear.
Karen: Merry Christmas!
Will: Why is this such a big deal?
Grace: Because I thought that I was the one that helped you come out.
Will: You were.
Grace: I thought that I was the one that changed your life.
Will: You did.
Grace: I thought it was my naked body that did nothing for you.
Will: It didn't. It still doesn't.
Grace: Don't try to make me feel better.
Will: So, we okay?
Grace: We will be.
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