Quotes from A.I.: Artificial Insemination


Jack: Are there any hobbits left in America?

Will: I can't believe you told her.
Grace: I can't believe you told him.
Will: He doesn't count, he doesn't listen.
Grace: She doesn't count, she's always buzzed.

Jack: I do ask that after you have completed the act of making sweet sweet love that you get Will a one-way ticket back to Homoville before he gets too comfortable in Gina Heights.

Jack: You can't be here right now. We're about to have a very serious conversation that isn't appropriate for a child your age.
Elliot: Well, can I listen at the door?
Jack: Yeah, I think that'll be fine.

Will: The female reproductive system is so amazing. It's a miracle, really. So complex, so beautiful... Yow! What is that thing? God, it looks like the bad guy in a science fiction movie.
Grace: Oh, please. Like your stuff looks like a box full of kittens. It don't.

Will: You've got my sperm.
Jack: Come again?

Lionel: Lionel Banks. Lionel like the train, Banks like money. And you are?
Karen: Anastasia Beaverhausen. Anastasia like Russian royalty, Beaverhausen like... where the beaver live.

Grace: I haven't had two people cheering me to have sex since I brought a Jewish doctor home for Thanksgiving.

Will: You do this for me, and I'll... I'll get you those leather pants you've been eyeing.

Karen: Just some flowers for me.
Rosario: Oh, good. Are you dead?

Grace: What were you gonna do if I came out of there naked?
Will: I had it down to two options: vamp or run.

Jack: Show business is the harsh bitch of a mistress who kicked me in the gut one too many times until I heaved up the regret of a million yesteryears!

Jack: Homo, I don't think we're in Barney's anymore.

Jack: You're hawking your album during my dream?
Cher: Well, somebody's gotta pay for the fog and the dancing fairies.

Will: It's so weird that your eggs have an expiration date. They're like... eggs.


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