Quotes from Crouching Father, Hidden Husband
Will: I remember calling girls for dates. I was so nervous, y'know, that they might say yes.
Grace: Y'know, Elliot, if this girl turned you down it just means that there's an even better girl out there for you and now you'll find her. You're young enough to buy that, aren't you?
Will: Just make sure you do something fun with him that night. Like, when I'd stay home from a dance my mom and I would bake ginger snaps and watch Little House on the Prairie. God, I am so gay.
Karen: I often ask a lot of people on my staff to do different things. Cook sometimes cleans, Cleaner sometimes cooks, Driver sometimes provides an alibi. We all pitch in.
Will: Right, but the difference is that those people live in the palace and serve only the evil queen.
Karen: Okay, I get it now. You're comin' in loud and queer!
Elliot: Are you sure I'm not too dressed up?
Jack: Yeah... y'know what would bring it down a notch? Some Hawaiian punch and a chocolate cigarette.
Jack: Now, you will sit here on the freak bench with the other weirdos! No offense girls. Today's weirdos are tomorrow's talk show hosts and sensitive singer/song-writers.
Karen: I've been telling Grace she's gonna get arrested one of these days for assault with a deadly wardrobe.
Will: I'll be right over, just as soon as I make a gun out of cheese.
Karen: For God's sake, put your pants on! You're my lawyer, not my dentist.
Nancy: How'd he learn to do that?
Elliot: I don't know. Maybe because he's gay.
Nancy: He is? One of my moms is gay.
Elliot: Really?
Nancy: Yeah, but she's not a good dancer. She built our house, though.
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