Quotes from Speechless

Karen: I have planned a whole day of beauty for you. Both manis and pedis, gentleman's facials, and when you least expect it, a colonic.

Will: I haven't seen him run like that since he wore Capezios in the Bronx.

Karen: Fags are a hoot.

Karen: God didn't give me the ability to play the piano or paint a picture or have compassion... but, He did give me the ability to crack a walnut with my hoo hah.

Karen: Jack, could you beat me over the head with that candlestick until I black out and die?
Will: You wouldn't know good writing if it slapped you in the face.
Karen: Jackie, once I'm dead, could you see to it that I'm slapped in the face?

Karen: Why don't you go grab your lucky pen.
Will: How do you know I have a lucky pen?
Karen: Your kind always does.

Karen: I'll say it again, fags really are a hoot.