Quotes from Dance Cards and Greeting Cards

Karen: Oh, honey... black, white, gay, straight, what's the difference? We all finish ourselves off in the end anyway.
Will: That's lovely. I'd almost forgotten it was Valentine's Day.

Karen: You'll never guess who's here.
Jack: Oh, Greg Evigan from TV's "BJ and the Bear" and then after a brief hiatus "My Two Dads?"
Will: I never realized just how gay both those titles are. It's a wonder he didn't go on to star in, "Hey, faggot!"

Grace: This whole day, it's like an evil conspiracy created by the greeting card people and the flower people and the candy people. Well, not the candy people, they do God's work.

Grace: How about one with a dog on one side and a lying creep on the other, and inside it says, "Your husband's got a bitch on the side."

Scott: If you bother the woman that I love one more time, I'm going to rip out your tiny arms and give them to her on a charm bracelet.
Karen: No one's ever offered to dismember a dwarf and make jewelry out of him for me before.

Jack: Portia de Rossi Degeneres, you're lesbians?!