Quotes from I Second That Emotion

Will: Look at this picture. If you look at it quickly, I swear you can see Katie Holmes mouthing, "Help me."
Grace: Please. She made her own twin beds.

Jack: Grace, would you like to help me with my set? I asked the art department to spruce it up, but they're all lesbians and I feel like it needs a woman's touch.
Grace: Sure, Jack, but you should know better than to stereotype lesbians. Oooh, while I'm there I can have one of them fix my watch!

Dave:Uh, Jack, we have a problem.
Jack: Uh, if you got somebody pregnant, straighty, that's your problem, not mine.
Dave:We don't have Harrison Ford.
Jack: What?! Why would you say we had him when we didn't have him?
Dave:Because you said if we didn't have him I'd be fired.
Jack: Okay, I probably shouldn't have said that. Just don't let it happen again, okay? Now, do we have Angelina Jolie for tomorrow? If you say no, you're fired.
Dave:She's super excited to meet you.

Grace: I'm also very involved in the New York gay scene.
Jack: That's right. Grace has closed more gay bars than the department of health.

Grace: I don't like gay men who don't like themselves.

Karen: What did you do to me!?
Will: Uh... healed you?
Karen: Do I look healed to you?! Took a few bricks down, the whole damn building collapsed!

Karen: I haven't felt this emotionally raw and exposed since Penthouse published those photos of me and Vanessa Williams.

Jack: Y'know, it's kinda weird, the way that episode was edited it almost makes it seem like Grace hates gay men. D'you think she noticed?
Rosario: I'm sure it's fine. I just hope you're okay with having only one testicle.

Rosario: Simba looks angry.

Jack: Stick a pencil up your ass, you're a troll doll!

Karen: The only man that you've had a successful relationship with is Grace.

Grace: I love you people! I have always loved you... in a very unhealthy way... for my own personal development. So now love me back, dammit!

Grace: Any hag worth her salt has that speech ready for the day you guys turn. Wanna hear it in Spanish? Que es la problema con su gente? No soy un homophobe!