Quotes from Steams Like Old Times
Grace: Ugh, bringing food to old homebound people... how depressing.
Will: Yeah, it's tough to see their faces light up when they realize they're gonna eat that day.
Jack: I love being homebound. Or going to his place and being bound. Either way, you do get hungry.
Karen: Wow, ten years of game night. What a milestone. Maybe you should celebrate with a suicide pact.
Jack: I can't wait 'til Malcolm is your Malcolm ex.
Karen: Jackie, why don't you like him? The man is a doll... if dolls spoke seven languages and had enormous genitalia.
Will: I would like that doll.
Grace: I'll take it when you're done with it.
Jack: I am sorry, Karen, I do not like this man. I do not like him in you house. I do not like him in your blouse.
Will: He's witty and smart... he's the kind of gay man I'd like to be when I'm older... except without the farting.
Malcolm: Jack, I'm so happy we're getting to know each other better. I was so afraid that when I helped Stanley fake his own death then brought him back here for a long-awaited reunion with his ex-wife then fell in love with her and started dating her myself her friends would have trouble accepting me.
Jack: Well, it's nothing we haven't all been through before.
Malcolm: Y'know, Jack, I know two ways to get a guy to call me friend. One is to attach his nipples to a car battery. And the other is to buy him a fine Itlaina suit.
Jack: Do I have to choose?
Jackie, this is exactly the side of Malcolm that I wanted you to see... the playful torturey side.
Grace: Okay, so no Rob and no Joe. That's okay, 'cause they're weak players and they never add anything to the evening anyway.
Ellen: They're our husbands.
Larry: Yeah, but they're duds.
Ellen: That's true.
Will: I'm charity Will.
Grace: Do you think you can stick your new friend in the closet and tell him he's in heaven's coat room?
Karen: You just think that marriage is sacred because it's legally denied to you.
Karen: I'm seeing Malcolm now. I want you to accept that and bless our union.
Jack: I can't do that.
Karen: Bless it!
Jack: No.
Karen: Bless it!
Jack: No!
Karen: Achoo!
Jack: Bless you.
Karen: Ha ha ha!
Grace: You have not been this obsessed with a gray-haired man since you discovered Anderson Cooper.
Will: He is a lovely old gay man, and when I am his age and living alone in a crummy apartment with a nineteen-year-old cat, who is either really sleepy or long dead, I hope that someone will be kind to me.
Grace: Wait a minute... wait a minute... you think... you think that you're gonna be Clyde? Is that what this is all about?
Will: How do you know that I won't? I... I saw this old photo of him on the beach. It could have been me... except for the Korean War going on in the background.
Malcolm: I promise you I'll never fake my death. When I kill myself it's gonna be for real... and I'm gonna take you with me.
Karen: That's so romantic.
Karen: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna run to the Bronx and set something on fire... y'know, because I'm so happy.
Karen: You fleshy bastard.